It wasn't necessarily a bow. The stranger could have been a patient at the hospital for all Akaashi knew, and the last thing he needed was a sickly acquaintance to add to his already short list of friends. "Keep in touch, Akaashi.". "Everything you say is so straightforward. ", "Don't think so. His heart beat a mile a minute, he found it difficult to swallow, and one of his legs bounced up and down rapidly. Akaashi glanced in the direction of where Bokuto was staring. ], [I see. Akaashi scowled. Akaashi sighed and lazily dragged his finger along the d-pad. Again, if he hadn't known any better, Akaashi would have figured that Bokuto was already fast asleep. Sitting back, he reached a hand out and paused the movie that'd been on screen. "I don't want you to grow any m-more attached to me th-than y-you already are. You'll still be the best. "Didn't that come off as remotely funny? His hand held onto one of Bokuto's very thin arms, and his thumb would occasionally rub up and down to comfort him. He shook his head again, stronger this time. Kenma didn't give him a chance to respond. He sat cross-legged, with a shirt on that was two sizes too big, and a hat that looked as if it had been placed on his head without his consent. Akaashi was glad to have made it in time. as well as Hesitant fingers that ghosted over Akaashi's forehead in order to push a loose strand of hair away. He kept his head down and played the fool, pretending he didn't see Akaashi. That night, he dreamt of the first night Bokuto had come over his home. Which makes this review sound negative, BUT!! He breathed in that familiar scent that he'd grown so attached to, then exhaled quietly against Bokuto's prominent collar bone. It's very good. He knit his fingers together and kept his eyes down, anticipating when the first boom of thunder would sound. ], [I guess. Mentally, he was more than ready to spike, but not so much physically. Akaashi's eyes widened, his emotions now falling victim to a strange mix of fear and fury. 'Sleep well, Akaashi.' It was cold. He was paler than the others who walked along in the halls, and soft, dark circles sat under his eyes. Akaashi took a shot at it. Akaashi took a glance out the window, only to instantly throw on his clothes and toss his bag over his shoulders. ", "When I said that it would be a tough mess for them to clean up" Akaashi sounded genuinely confused. "Bokuto is starting to look less and less like his old self, too. "I could ask you the same thing" Akaashi's lips screwed to the side. It was difficult, however, as each time he tried to drift off to sleep, that unnerving fear of having the same dream would jerk him back awake. He paused for a moment, then spoke up again. I don't want to know them. His head was cocked back as he surveyed the gym. He squeezed Akaashi, mashing him closer until he could barely breathe. "If you would please listen." "I spoke to Kuroo most of the time, so it doesn't count.". Akaashi sighed. The practice of. "What's this?" He glared at them intensely with that same placid expression of his, making this look all the more unnerving. Indifference morphed into curiosity, and said curiosity was what drew Akaashi closer to his new friend. The drastic weight loss was awful enough, but as if to add insult to injury, Bokuto's worsening condition also made it increasingly difficult for him to walk, move, and speak. Akaashi was glad. And here he is". Why did he lack the understanding of just how serious his condition was? It was a quiet laugh. The both of them had sat down long ago, leaving Bokuto and Kuroo to their own business as they wandered about and waved their arms around in their animated way of speaking. Very long. He could feel Bokuto's chin rubbing against the top of his head, like it always did. His frustration slowly faded, and all that was left behind upon his pale face was a look of defeat. People with dissociative disorders escape reality in ways that are involuntary and unhealthy and cause problems with functioning in everyday life. [Verse 2 . Another person walked by at a gradual pace at first, then slowed progressively as they drew near. Anything is fine." "Of course." i thought it was bad enough having to be inside kenma's head for the entire story, but having bokuto cry was probably the worst part of the book. Hang in there, alright? I won't let you go. He was only a blurred shape now, but Akaashi knew he was still there. Akaashi sighed. You like volleyball too?! It's a little too late for that, Bokuto." Bokuto stuck his head out of the window slightly and kept it there as the snowflakes fell all around him. It never failed to comfort Akaashi. He just hoped that the night wouldn't bring him any malevolent dreams. There was no hiding it. An embarrassed chuckle escaped him. Nodding once, Akaashi acknowledged Kuroo's words, but did not know how to respond to them. I miss you especially, Bokuto. The sky burned a strong, orange glow as the sun set in the distance. He tried to aim for it at the very least, but found it difficult to. Akaashi couldn't sleep, but it wasn't because of his unfamiliarity with Bokuto that caused this. Akaashi drew in a breath, but found that he couldn't say anything. Perplexed, Akaashi directed his full attention to Bokuto. My last memory of Bokuto will not be of him sharply dressed, pale, stiff, and stuffed in a casket, surrounded by a countless amount of people who did not care for him at all until the day they heard about his death. "You don't have to put that." Akaashi stood from his seat and walked to the windowsill. His voice was a soft tremor. He could only watch as those tears fell at a faster pace, down onto his hospital gown and onto the floor. Sleeping. Bokuto's laughter died down and he closed his eyes. Akaashi pressed play, and a video of Kuroo started to play. Akaashi realized that those smiles he'd seen before were smiles of denial forced grins that tried desperately to trick Bokuto into thinking that everything would be fine. "What used to be your position back when you would play?" Blatantly, he thanked her, and continued on his way, passing by several rooms as he did so. A hand tugged at his shirt weakly. Akaashi watched Bokuto, mesmerized by his actions. Very much." His golden eyes searched the room for Akaashi. In the span of a little over a month, Bokuto had gone from a general one-hundred and fifty pounds to a mere ninety-seven pounds, last time they'd weighed him. His yellow eyes stared at the screen intently. Akaashi stepped in and shut the door behind him. "You're too loud, be quiet." He found he had nothing more to say. He watched Bokuto with a wary gaze, unaware of what he was to say next. So much so that his hands trembled slightly whenever he'd push Akaashi's bangs away. He urged him to keep the blanket around him, but Bokuto insisted that he leave it behind. "Hey- Akaashi, right? Surprised, Akaashi gave Bokuto his attention again. hasjhjaa currently crying. "I come to visit and I'm barely paid attention to, but when he comes along, he's given the whole package? "What? I recommended this book to my friend Sophia, and she cried too. Bokuto's answer was delayed. Bokuto has round, golden-colored eyes and spiky white-grey hair with black streaks; certain sections of it are done up as if to vaguely conform to that of an animal, strongly amplifying the uncanny resemblance he bears to a horned owl. This time, Kuroo was the one to grunt, the sound coming from deep within his chest. He answered blatantly. Akaashi stared at the text message and let out a shaking sigh. In a matter of minutes, just as Akaashi had started to fidget, Bokuto spoke up. You're probably just not an emotional person, and that's ok. A small thumb rubbed at the system's screen to remove a smudge. Akaashi couldn't help but almost smile back, his lips barely twitching. [I don't believe you on that 'Yeah' part. He drags you back in. But Kuroo insisted." "Of course they do." ", "So I can't sleep." "I know you aren't going to ask, so I'll just let you know. "Were you sick? "Hey- hey!" Thank you for stopping by, your interest means everything to me. The words had come as such a shock to Bokuto that he'd paused and looked up at Akaashi. It wasn't long before Akaashi had leaned his head on Kuroo's shoulder, as he, too, fell victim to the sorrow that slowly ate him alive. "Nice to meet you, Akaashi. ", Bokuto glanced at him. Kuroo panned the phone to his side, and a blurred Kenma came into focus on screen. Or maybe January? He breathed in sharply. It took every fiber of his being to keep his voice from trembling. "Good" Bokuto eased back and buried his head into his pillow. He lay his cheek on the top of Akaashi's head and kept still, daring not to wake him. He moved closer, his other hand taking hold of Bokuto's. Akaashi woke with a start that same night, his strangled shouts having pulled him from his sleep. He then stared at Akaashi, waiting for his response. They asked about the blanket and the scarf, but they never asked about Bokuto. Akaashi swiped and unlocked his phone with trembling hands. He couldn't look at his face. "Just Because" He replied in what almost sounded like a surprised tone. ", "Because it's three in the morning and I want to fit some sleep into my schedule. As Akaashi said this, he held out an arm, as if readying himself for some sort of hug. Akaashi turned away and frowned. Feeling that it would be rude to interrupt Bokuto's conversation with whoever the other person was, Akaashi strode over to the seats and sat one chair away from the gaming stranger. "Ha! No one. Bokuto covered his mouth and coughed suddenly. Sorry for always messaging you so late. His voice was hushed, gentle. "No. caohezi, soggycereaal, Eclipce_Kitty, sisachoo, Moonlight_Starlight, coffeeeejelly, NagitosOnlyHope, Cat_man, whaleinsea, cupcakehinata, eve_ilDoll, Levida, Hallow_Darkfrost, KeeganIsVeryDead, idyllicjade, aizawasscarf, Bl00d_Gutz404, lemon_lime2021, mxrey, Average_Fangirl330, Mii15, jevil_Jay, linom, Gay_MentallyIll_Rat, jellyforfish, Len_Kiwi, barwinek, Another_Usuario, ry_jv, hyaracinth, si11y1i1y, f4iiries, Melicity, ImmediatelyWriting, Wigglyflapjacks, zhengokokok, hualiansss, ordeal, DinDin_akdifbsidsbdi_human, stxrsprxte, anonymousxbelle, Hypsilon, BubblegumTerminator, DrarryxLover, xumiun, Vas_vlas, Alidareisss, Penepon, FivePointsManhattan, Rey_xx, and 28352 more users Akaashi already knew where he had to go. Because of the nightmare? If you wanna. ", "I get panic attacks when you're not around," Bokuto answered simple-mindedly. "I'm sorry. There was almost a hint of sarcasm in his voice. They meet, and they cherish their memories until Bokuto dies. It worried him enough to get some words out of him. He exhaled through his nose and entered the hospital, greeted the woman at the front desk (who now knew him by name), and removed the scarf from around his neck. Here we are. Ridiculous." Akaashi closed his eyes against him. The other spoke in a quiet voice, low and brooding. But as he thought of it, as he narrowed down the true meanings of both phrases, he ultimately could not decide which of the two were more horrifying. He was waiting for Kenma, but Akaashi wondered why he hadn't waited for him in the seat that he was initially sitting in. But during the other two nights, he surely did make the effort to try and lull himself to sleep, but each time he did, he either found himself stirring awake from a strange dream, or lying wide awake in the middle of the night, half expecting to receive a message from Bokuto. Bokuto was the first to notice this, but had also been the last to say anything about it. I loved this. He grinned from ear to ear. "A-p-a-t-h-yk-u-n." Bokuto was close to saving the contact before Akaashi spoke up. This was not what he wanted. When he was like this, Akaashi would think that he was resting, and he would almost believe that thought until Bokuto would twitch awake again, his body jerking him from what little relaxation he tried to achieve. "It's nice to meet you, Kozume. It was small and measly, but there. Akaashi sat in bed and wrapped a sheet around himself. So when they say they found each other, I think it means that Bokuto found Akaashi even after he died, and Akaashi knew it was really Bokuto in his dream, so he found Bokuto. They don't know how to H-heal me, so" From beneath the blanket, Akaashi could see Bokuto's shoulders rise and fall. Akaashi watched as the screen went to black, and it was then that he placed the phone back on his nightstand, choosing to ignore the message. "The movie kept me company. He read up on the symptoms and blinked gently, a hand over his lips. This time, Bokuto directed his attention to Akaashi. Has he ever done anything bad? "Alright." He would study them for quite a while until they melted and left behind nothing more than a droplet on his arm. It was so weak and feeble, it could barely be heard, but it was there, and Akaashi could hear it, so that was enough for Bokuto. I've got time.]. Bokuto kept silent. This one.". never reading fanfics again (probably will), *gestures vaguely* idk what to do with my life anymore i won't ever recover from this , I've cried so much, I really loved it, it had been a while since I don't cry with a book. As much as it infuriated him, he knew that Bokuto wasn't going to go anywhere unless he let him into his home first. Akaashi groaned softly and covered his face. They sat heavily in the pit of his stomach, churning and pestering him, urging him to throw up. ", A laugh escaped Bokuto, the sound curling his lips into a smile. On the numbingly cold day that was January 3rd, at 8:04 PM, snow had fallen for the first time that year. Bokuto blinked slowly. His face looked both shocked and exhausted at the same time. He stared up at the ceiling and sighed. Akaashi sat in bed, laptop in his lap, as his fingers scrolled and typed frantically. Kuroo leaned forward and joined his hands together. Akaashi said bitterly as he hobbled up the stairs. Lying next to Akaashi, a ghostly pale Bokuto smiled. One of the voices belonged to Bokuto. Unless Bokuto was purposely playing the fool. Did you just Say that to yourself?". Bokuto stared at Akaashi sharply. It took some time, but he finally answered. Akaashi hesitated. So he didn't care anymore. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too. He stood there, hesitant, uninterested, indifferent. He was obviously tired, showing signs of exhaustion with every small move he made. But as each second passed, Akaashi could feel his own pain building up more and more within him. His face glowed the quietest shade of red, and he tried to hide it from Akaashi. I know I don't have much time left." He found it much too difficult to say no to Bokuto, but it had to be done. Bokuto's head lay against Akaashi's shoulder. He couldn't sleep for about an hour after the text, but ultimately slipped off to sleep. Akaashi opened the first movie that he had in his computer's memory. ", The male who stood across from Akaashi shifted his weight to one leg. "Are you tired?". FFI?" But even so, Bokuto still suffered from trembling spells, and they would come in small, short bursts and last only several seconds before his body became too weak to keep it up. He turned his head to look out the window, eyeing the moon timidly. Bokuto nodded and looked up at Akaashi once again. His lips brushed against his collarbone in desperate search of that familiar warmth. Akaashi shared a bench with Kenma. Just what kind of guy was he? Bokuto's smile never left his face, and his tired eyelids contradicted his facial expression. Are you alright?". He climbed into bed and folded one leg, pulling over his laptop to start it up. Akaashi looked at his phone to read the sentence. Weakly, Akaashi parted his lips. Akaashi remained in place with the thought in mind that Bokuto would respect his personal space and sit a foot or two away from him, but to his apparent surprise, Bokuto leaned his head on Akaashi's shoulder and slipped an arm around him. "I hadn't noticed that one was rolling in." He blinked weakly and slid his fingers down the sides of his phone, a sign of weariness that he could not disobey. He was trying. "It was sudden." Akaashi would answer his questions coldly, with little to no emotion, but Bokuto would cherish these answers and retort with excitement in his tone. He has a solid and muscular build. "It isn't." In a daze, Akaashi's last words were, "Good night, Koutarou," before he slipped off into a deep sleep. The question came out of the blue. To this, he shifted in closer and allowed his body to relax. what disease did, bokuto have in another lifekanawha county board of education. Kuroo looked at Akaashi sideways. People keep saying they cried at the ending but i'm just here dry eyed. He rubbed his face quietly. 299K 5.7K 29.5K. And the I found you just shattered my heart like just smash it on the floor and step on it why dont you . He was glad that Akaashi found company in him. The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write. It's actually snowing.". "The three hours!" "Of course! Bokuto's movements were late to this, but he reacted nonetheless as he turned Akaashi's way to touch his chin to the top of his head. He stared down at the screen, his brow furrowing slightly. He smiled. Outside, the sky above grew dark as clouds rolled in. "Could you please toss to me some more?". His voice was gentle, light on Bokuto's ears. "You've been shivering. It doesn't make any sense.". "Do you want to watch a movie?". In the past, he'd always get sort of tense and paranoid whenever a storm would pass over head, but that was kind of it. But now I'm kind of okay with it." Akaashi is dreaming and he sees bokuto in his dream and most ppl think this also. ", Silently, the dark haired male frowned. Shut him out, don't let him in. In seconds, Kenma was down the hall and making his way down the stairs, having completely ignored Kuroo as well. Akaashi kept his eyes down. Such an energetic texter, Bokuto was. He chuckles. In minutes, the information desk was in his sights, and for the first time in forever, he'd actually gone to it. Akaashi squeezed his hands together to keep them from shaking uncontrollably. Akaashi lifted his head from his pillow and reached a hand out to grab his phone. Ahhhh I know you didn't tell me to send a video, but, I'm not someone who follows rules." He knew full well the name of the disease he had. "Give me a break here." Think that I'm beautiful?" "It's not a hallucination, Bokuto. I had no power over it whatsoever. "So Three hours is nothing." He was grinning. He'd never received a faster response in his life. "Was he ever fond of them? This earned a gasp from him. A mere two minutes outside had turned into two hours. "I was drowning." Two hours had passed since their last words towards each other, yet Akaashi still lay awake in bed. A gasp escaped Bokuto. His head rested on mine with the weight of someone's who's unconscious.". The condition can cause memory loss, delusions or depression. He'd nodded off for a brief moment, with his arms crossed and his head resting on a thick bundle of pillows. By the time that movie ends, it'll be six. But he only swallowed and kept his composure, just as he'd been doing since the day he met Bokuto. "Why are you so fond of the snow, Bokuto?". As Akaashi lay there, quiet, listening to Bokuto's strained breathing, he opened his mouth to speak. If he had known that sending simple text messages would have turned into daily hospital visits, then he would have never handed over his cell number. Don't worry about it.". Wincing, Akaashi turned his head away. Both hands had clasped around Bokuto's own now, quavering without pause. Over the span of the six days, Akaashi found that the only things Bokuto could manage to swallow were small snacks, like grapes, ice cubes, and Pocky Sticks that were specifically strawberry flavored. Akaashi stared at Bokuto, opened his mouth to say something, but found that he couldn't form even one simple word. Akaashi inhaled slowly. "Take a seat. which ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY BROKE ME TO PIECES. This entire past month hasn't been any different for him, though. "I'm supposed to be here, actually. On the first night out of the three, Akaashi flat out refused to get any rest in fear of suffering another night terror. The male across from him did well in hiding the look of offense that almost surfaced upon his face. I just met him." Sometimes I think I'm funny. What normally would have pained someone to say, he delivered with ease, and with that same grin to boot. That was six days ago. "What are you doing?". He didn't get up to alert the nurses, or the doctors, or anyone in the hospital. Kuroo scratched the back of his head. Akaashi made sure to take a mental picture of this before he looked down and closed his eyes. He held his breath, then proceeded to ask again. Akaashi had nothing else to say. He'd flinched hard and sat up quickly, closing his hand over his mouth to subdue the almost hysteric sounds that came from him.