I disagreed with a lot of your comments but I still enjoyed them. Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. Men cant choose to abort because biology dictates that the fetus is not in their body. Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. Youre wondering if he will marry her. April 9, 2012, 2:37 pm, Well, its always possible that shes NOT in her right mind. It could fail. So sad that anyone would think its even necessary to implement such a system. April 10, 2012, 6:11 pm. The primary relationship in someones life is allowed to (and should) remain the primary relationship, even after the later appearance of children. You were on a break, not even completely seperated from the relationship, and he clearly has some space in that undying love for you to have unprotected sex with a stranger. What kind of 40 year old cant live without their SO. Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? There was a reason for that. And if by some chance she does get pregnant itll be difficult but theyre going to get married someday anyway so theyll just start their family earlier than planned. Maybe because she wants something to love. April 9, 2012, 9:23 am. However, RR, Ill assume that every time youve ever had sex, it has been with someone you wanted in your like as a co-parent and that it was at a time in your life that a child would have been welcomed. Dude, thats seriously out of line. What are your thoughts on an abortion? So go whine about how unfair life is to someone who is as ignorant as you are about how life works. Male victims being forced to pay child support, while extremely rare, I agree is sad and unfair to those boys.
I think its dispicable that you would consider re-uniting with a man that thinks his only obligation as a father is financial support. Like being pregnant is easy. I think we can all agree that the safest thing for men to do is to simply masturbate alone, while wearing a condom. Im sorry you feel you are in the minority. When a woman tells you that shes on the pill, whether its true or not, and you believe that means that you cannot impregnate her you are the idiot. Bow out gracefully and give him the space he doesnt know he needs to get his life together. She came first. But anyone who consents to sex and is then furious at their sex partner when a baby is the outcome is an idiot. And because a mans physical committment to the pregnancy ends after coming, the woman gets to make the call. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. Both of those things cant be true, LW. No worries. My biological clock is so, so ticking!!!. female
she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. Seriously, cry me a river you ignorant #**>##!!! If youre a man, your time to prevent having a child is when you have sex and decide how to protect yourself. Hey, honey, I thought you had control over your bodies? Because one of the known outcomes is happening to him and hes pissed at someone else. Blood is not everything. Is that fair to women? This is about a pregnancy thats two weeks in. I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). To everyone.
All I can say is therapy. Choose. Your boyfriend is a scumbag and you should probably not have anything to do with him. That is what passes for reality in your world? But, it would have reduced the chances. However, my point isnt that children should not be supported. Personally, I wouldnt. He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. P.S. I am very much in love with my husband and believe him when he says he loves me too. Its not a comparable situation at all. And since shes the one with the baby in HER uterus, theres not a whole lot you can do to force her to have the abortion or stop her from doing so. I dont see why this issue is any different. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. Abandoning a child does. lets_be_honest Theyre young but are certain that theyll be together forever. And is this letter for real? Part of the reason I feel no one should be forced to be a parent is that those who are forced to be parents often cause the most lasting damage to the children. No matter what happens, if you open a bottle of coca-cola and it explodes, taking off your arm in the process, Coke pays you damages for it. The plain truth is your boyfriend did not think about the consequences of unprotected sex (STDs anyone?) If not, then why cant a man sever all legal and fiscal responsibility prior to the childs birth (as it would be a parallel situation)? April 9, 2012, 11:08 am. He doesnt have to have a relationship with her, but like it or not, if hes a real man, he will be there for HIS child, and even his ex. reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): A
Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. April 10, 2012, 10:24 am. Its interesting how none of these comments address that he SPECIFICALLY said that he would have nothing to do with his own child. Does that change your opinion? Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. [The feminist movement died one millisecond after the first impact. bittergaymark I do believe that many accidental pregnancies are not so accidental, but that is all the more reason for people who engage in casual sex, and are dead set against having kids, to do everything in their power to avoid having them! Really!? So, then, women should always have to accept that theyre pregnant because they had sex and then have the child whether they want to or not? You dont really get to have a say in this situation, but encourage your boyfriend to have a relationship with this child. I dont think hed be right to be furious in many possible scenarios that would still fit what was said in this letter, but there are ones that would which I think would cause justifiable fury. You go to a window and pick one out and take it home with you. we were truley in love. In many states men can declare themselves non-fathers. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. It may not be widely known among the comment threads of womens advice blogs and other social hangouts but the family law bar is well aware of this issue. bittergaymark Its just biological fact- unfair probably, but not something we can change. I know exactly what child support means, and you are discussing the post-birth situation, where there actually is a child who actually needs support. female
They arent bad people because of it. A real man steps up to be there for the baby, more than just money for the baby, and to be there for the mother even if he cant stand her. He wants to get back with the LW (again, apparently) Think of the children. A forty year old man should know that once is all it takes to handcuff himselfto someone for the next 19 years or so. I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them.. I agree with you regarding being a part of the childs life but I dont agree with you on the money aspect.
I'm very upset that my ex girlfriend got pregnant by her new boyfriend James Felix Plus Ive noticed that the more calm and rational you keep your comment, the less likely the truly crazies ones are to even respond to you at all. Which, if youll recall, honey, was what we were discussing in the first place before you sidetracked us. reader, Laura1318+, writes (25 January 2008): A
April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. It was a vague post on my part Made even more confusing by the fact that _jsw_ was posting at roughly the same time and then his posted first. Fury at the woman he impregnated is misdirected. Admirable restraint indeed. It takes two people to make a baby and two people to decide what to do after one of them gets pregnant. According to DeCrow, he shouldnt even have to pay child support, because thats fundamentally unfair. I wouldnt want to hang around to find out. . I mean, he loved the baby mama enough to get erected & to bang her & to just release evrything to make her pregnant, & what the fuck am I thinking?!?!? Or could CG be right, and this is all a hoax? lets_be_honest Francine Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. Not to mention raising the baby, which women are way way WAAAYYY more likely to do alone than men. LW, your BF impregnates another woman AND you think that you are entitled to an opinion about whether she should keep her unborn child? The fact that you are even considering getting back with this guy right now blows my mind. Good. Life isnt fair. It takes two to make a baby. I wouldnt consider him a scumbag for asking her to consider abortion. Like condoms until you actually know you can trust them. April 9, 2012, 12:52 pm. LW, what happens if YOU get pregnant? A month after we broke up, she started a new guy. And alimony is given to whichever spouse made less income, not women as a rule. Changing the facts and then arguing them is just as useless as creating facts and arguing those whether you admit to it or not. It's been really painful for me. savannah They like to entrap men, too. The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. Argh. John Rohan I told her if its not about the kids, dont text him. Hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated..
List of Everybody Hates Chris characters - Wikipedia Go argue with the feminists. I completely agree. By having sex you are saying that the woman might get pregnant and you are willing to deal with it if that is the case. Aside from social media stalking, many ex-couples continue to actually communicatetrying to stay friends. So while you were on a break he had unprotected sex with just her or other people too? You mean, he should decide whether or not he leaves a kid constantly yearning for attention theyll never get? A mans legal obligation to support his children is not some well hidden secret and nowhere is it mentioned that hes being asked for anything more. If the woman in question is also 40, I highly doubt her birth control failed. Its when a mans sperm connects with a womans egg. I hope you make sure he gets tested for STIs before you sleep with him again. If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!! Guy Friday Why do you think that is? However, my father got primary physical placement, and my mother got 4 hours of visitation a week, and THAT is what dictated child support (or would have if she could have afforded to pay it). She should think long and hard about that reason and not take her former bf back. If your ex moved on before you did, you might feel as if they won or wonder why you didn't find someone else . The point is that no one cares about your guesswork, sunshine. April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. And it wont be you for very long. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. But there is no ensuring that the child is cared for in an adoption. That means from a mental, obvious, and circumstantial standpoint, the girl is at the disadvantage. He didnt give you another child. Whose idea was it to take a break anyway? Welp, he didnt run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. This guy, you can most definitely live without. Especially since, had he been the woman and felt the same way, he would have quietly aborted the child without inviting half the scorn hes received here. He wants to get back with the LW (again, apparently). Seriously, no wonder so many of are all too stupid to understand where babies come from. I know youve been in a tough situation and the fact that you and your daughter came out of it the amazingly awesome people you are shows that all a kid needs is an amazing mother who wants to provide for her kid at whatever cost to herself. Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. Im just trying to clarify the parameters here. In the same situation currently. Thats the risk that you take. Everyone in this situation sounds like they belong on Jerry Springer. Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
9 Feelings Everyone Experiences When They Find Out Their Ex Is - Romper I would like to believe that someone near my dads own age would have more sense than this. Taking no personality responsibility whatsoever and then whining about the consequences? 2. April 9, 2012, 7:03 pm, Wait, whoops, no. He ordered her to get an abortion? Deal with it, ladies. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed My Views On Parenthood. Ok.you were on a breakhe met some women club and after 2 minutes decided to have sex with her (which people do Im not against a 1 night stand).but he doesnt throw a condom on because shes on the pill (so hes not protected from STDs and he has no verification shes actually using the pill responsibly)..and if that level of irresponsibility isnt enough, he ahem finishes the job inside of her! That being said, the LW didnt say whether he was tested so we dont know for sure. Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. But then Id be haunted with the thought that I could have frozen BETTER sperm than the sperm I froze before tying the tubes and will always wonder if my children could have been better. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. CONSTANTLY. Nor is there any guarantee that the woman who tells you that she doesnt want to have a baby wont change her mind when faced with that decision. This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. Steve- The law doesnt say theres no child at conception. The carpenter asks his brother to impregnate his wife via IVF using the carpenters sperm. April 10, 2012, 7:31 pm. Considering the fact that I know far more gay guys having sex (and lots more of it, with more partners, too) than I do straight people and I can honestly say none of my good gay friends have ever magically come down with HIV, yet I can name 8 people who against all odd just happened get themselves or their lovers knocked up Seriously. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. This is not unlike telling women that they cannot have an abortion in that it forces parenthood when it neednt be forced. My boyfriend broke up with me when I was 10 weeks pregnant. Its HERS, but it does not properly belong to either one of the men. That is a risk women take. Sue Jones For more information, please see our Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of . by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. Generally it turns into a bunch of bleeps. Hes so full of sh*t, I bet his eyes are brown. Im only speaking on speculation, of course, since I was not a part of the situation and only heard about from him. Do something to not have one! Thanks for noticing, though. So go control them all you please. Its no excuse but no one will every be able to explain men. The states dont advertise this. because, no one can give you a 100% guarantee that none of that will happen. Flexxie But still. I dont think the actual equality is as you think it is, but even if I agree that it is, it has nothing to do with what happens early on in a pregnancy. Remember we are hearing all this second or third hand. It upsets me how much anger seems to be directed towards this unborn child. Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? * However, if you bang and get knocked up by tiger woods (quite possible given his standards) you will be set for life and hence a lottery win is born. And thats a double entendr. Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. Hell, as a parent, I probably should never drive to get coffee because Im risking death in an accident for something I dont need, and yes, I do know that people die in car accidents. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning. Hes scum for directing his fury at anyone other than himself. But anyway, in case its not fake if this guy isnt lying about only knowing this woman for two minutes then yeah, shes an idiot for wanting to keep the baby. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. Youre upset that it only took a few months for her to get what youve been waiting for 4 years. The baby will be due right in the middle of the semester. Its not exactly the same by any means, but similar enough for me to have thought it. Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. And if this woman buys that line, shes a moron too. Chuck(le) Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? iseeshiny April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. Oh, good lord. Lucky us. I attempt to avoid name calling, but youre not very smart. Scummy is the wrong word to use. Oh, and I dont hate women who get child support. If it's been a relatively short amount of time (it's all relative, but I like to say three months or less), since the breakup/last time he/she spoke with you Yes, he had unprotected sex. We dont even know that this other woman told the bf that she is pregnant. April 10, 2012, 10:41 am. I feel stupid once again and a part of me feels that he may come back to me again and I really dont want to be involved, but Im so weak and dont know how to let go. If you dont do these things and you end up donating the genetic material for a person that gets born and is running around and youre its dad, you pony up some child support because it took two people to make that kid. There is no indication that he is committed to having a relationship with you on any level. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. Ive seen malarky thrown around quite a bit in this thread. Close to $1,000 and thats for a shitty one. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. Solved. iseeshiny Yes? He didnt come chasing after you. Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. Chuck Pelto April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. Nope, not at all, she just goes on living life unchanged.
The pull out method? The laws are unfair because they arent designed to be fair to the PARENTS- theyre designed to work in the best interest of the innocent child that didnt choose to be born. If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. Where exactly do you live?
If she did not use protection with him, or ask him to get tested when they got back together, that is no fault of his, imo. Both sexes suffer from inequalities in the reproductive process due to biology.
How To Handle A Breakup When You're Pregnant, Because It Happens - Romper Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. hi there! This child will have no father and while I dont feel bad for the parents, I feel very bad for this child. Neither one of THEM created a child. Painted_lady This poor unborn child who I feel very, very sorry for already, is not the problem. Yep. However, a man should have no such option and should be forced to pay (literally and figuratively) for having sex. Can you blame me for feeling this way? an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration..
Dear Bossip: We Broke Up And He Got Another Woman Pregnant Men get a say in abortions? There is no child at conception very good. Unless youve been there, you dont know. Respect her decision. However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. Itll take work and patience, but he CAN be a father to the baby, and a partner to you.. Furthermore, men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement, even though consensual sex involves both people equally. In the long run, US ends up with what I like to refer to as the Feminist Mystake. April 10, 2012, 2:42 pm. But, yet, again you let him back and hoped things would change and he would be with you. I got angry because it's something he should have told me. Maybe the man in me is coming out today, but in a time where all you hear about is the War on Women and how dare any man tell a woman what they can and cannot do with their bodies that anyone on here can say this man doesnt have a right to do whatever he pleases with his body. Likewise, you could find a wealth of men who paid for children who werent theirs. 99 % of people would necessarily mean about 99 % of women. April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. As well, the LW has no right to call this other woman names, purely because it was the LWs (ex? what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). Hes scum all around in my book. But, the real reason you cant let go is because you feel bad that youve invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. According to pro-choice rhetoric, this man has NOTHING to do with the existence of the child. There is no inherent unfairness in current laws child support is gender-blind. Should you be frustrated at the situation? This surprises you? him: I would prefer if you had an abortion. Dump this creep. If he is 40 years old and still acting like a child chances are youre going to be stuck holding the bag. And now that theres a pregnancy and the options arent his hes furious at the woman he impregnated because it isnt going the way he wants. April 10, 2012, 11:41 am. Oh, in a perfect world, kerrycontrary This desicion has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a . reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): A
Imagine lending your new car to a friend who led you to believe they just needed to make a quick run to the Piggly Wiggly, only to have them return it to you totaled after having taken it on a weeklong bender in Vegas. So, ask yourself why do you allow it? Thanks for the clarification. My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. That reasoning, btw, comes from Karen DeCrow, feminist attorney and former president of NOW. So, to be clear, every woman who has had an abortion is, in your mind, an immature asshole. The you made your choice when you had sex argument goes both ways. Again, this was the perfect time to walk away, and end it with him. Now I'm happily married and live in Orlando. (yes, I know, lifes unfair). And WHY did he not practice safe sex since he only knew her 2 minutes? Ugh so agree with Amanda. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Anthony Leonson Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. 6napkinburger I feel so depressed about everything. The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. iseeshiny Steve Kellmeyer People who say that are codependent, melodramatic, or 15. As of now, all he has done is indicated that he wanted her to have an abortion. Make Ford. Then, when you decided to get back together he wasnt so sure he wanted to be in a relationship with you. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. But in some ways, youre making my point, Francine. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. Weeks. He could've at least waited a week after coming back! Leaving the issues of the suggested abortion and unprotected sex aside (which have also been beaten over the head on this thread), that was what really struck me as I was looking through these comments. April 9, 2012, 4:55 pm. never again! She should have either used additional contraception or not engaged with sex with a man who wasnt actively pursuing fatherhood, because now shes fucking with 2 other peoples lives who do not have an active role in the decision-making process. Even people who do want to have one often suffer from some kind of depression or at least sadness. He made his position very clear very early on. Youre the one asserting that its only one sex that experiences unfairness. All that does is make 3 people miserable (both parents plus the child). Youve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author ofThe Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit showBraxton Family Values. Especially the children. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms. Waitplease have an abortion and i prefer you have an abortion aredifferent? We dont know that she asked for any money. LW: When I started reading this letter I was prepared to tell you to MOA, but by the end I decided that you and your boyfriend sound like equally shitty people! You want to look awesome in comparison to this new guy. April 9, 2012, 6:25 pm, Jesus fucking christ! I cant even imagine how a grown man can be deceived into impregnating someone. Though Ill grant you one concession: Not having this man in a childs life might be a blessing in disguise. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. It is quite possible to become pregnant on the pill.
Move on. Also, HUGE RED FLAG. But clearly this woman who is keeping her child DOES really want the child and is presumably prepared to handle all that comes with having a child. Okay, Tim. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. Given that fact base, why wouldnt a woman who wanted a baby (but not a husband) entrap a suitable donor? If that means not being with your boyfriend for the next 9 months to a year, then so be it (I dont think youll die without him). What a laugh. Furthermore, dont tell me what to do with my body and I wont tell you what to do with yours, little girl. He CHOSE to do that he took that risk because it feels better on his penis without a condom. I know that everyone is focusing on that, but I think that the response would have been the same even if the LW had acknowledged this. Im not exactly sure that the one million people currently estimated to be living in the U.S. would agree with you, but I am fairly certain the 500,000 dead definitely wouldnt. Like most men are running around handing out free money to them without them having to fight for it.