disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy

'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. For Aneesa Azeez, a 23-year-old Muslim convert and college graduate, her husband's . Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. Mrs. Amir had no baby so she said, "It's Allah's plan for me and I have accepted my fate". Mrs. Gulzar said "I had no option other than to make a compromise and accept co-wife because of my female kids. But after few months it was disclosed. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. She was in severe depression after this trauma. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). The world is their oyster. Accepting being a second wife can be challenging for those who are considering polygamy. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. Tarrant County Mugshots 2020, Who Is The Black Woman In The Audi Commercial, Why Does Shrimp Foam When Boiled, Cdl Speeding Ticket 15 Over In California . And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. Decisions made by two people in first families are often made or influenced by four or more adults in stepfamilies. That does not negate their significance to you and your partner (s), but the union will not be recognized by the law. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. 2006;52(1); 5-17. Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. 2020; 39(2): 750-760. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives they were twins, she recalls. Social Change. 5. But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things. Consent i s the keyword. She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. Gina Barreca, Ph.D., a board of trustees distinguished professor at UConn, is the author of 10 books, including the bestselling They Used to Call Me Snow White, But I Drifted. disadvantages of being a second wife islamirina emelyanova pasternak 26th February 2023 / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. In most cases the husband will go back to the wife and apologise after his elders have spoken to him. In the normal course of events theres no need for formal structures in polygamous relationships as the wives usually work most things out for themselves, he says. The main strength of this study is that it provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didn't quite open, he is. The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. Table 2: Frequency of co-wives for jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness and sharing household chores as consequences of polygamous marriages (N=11). Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Psychosocial and familial functioning of children from polygynous and monogamous families. Maybe it was because I didnt have anyone in mind when I approached her I wasnt cheating on my wife, Id never do that.. The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. In 1994, the Haryana Panchayati Raj Act disallowed people with more than two children from contesting local elections. Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. Rehman J. They also threatened her with divorce. Life as a co-wife wasn't easy for Cecilia; she started being mistreated by the second wife. In Pakistani culture, infertility can be one of the reasons but exploring other factors like love marriage and family pressure, and religious reference are also common factors. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. While Pakistan being an Islamic state where religion allows polygamy, the more typical reasons have been observed in the current study by multiple co-wives such as infertility, a woman being a mother only by female children, love marriage, or family pressure with the reference of religious doctrine. During my final two years in my first marriage, I was constantly telling my friends how I wanted to make my relationship work. You constantly feel that your partner knowingly or unknowingly puts his previous family before you and your needs. Image from The Star. Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. Thats life. During the analysis, three major themes were identified; (1) reasons for polygamous marriages (2) Relationship with co-wives/ consequences of polygamous marriage, and (3) strategies to cope with the co-wifes relationship. Polygamy.com. Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. Mrs. Amir was the 2nd wife and also had no children her husband married her for children and his family again forced him for 3rd wife by giving the reference of the religious doctrine. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. Gabe and I won't have that. Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. Now the first wife has no say. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A Comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. One of the hardest aspects of being a second wife is having to deal with the emotional baggage of the failed marriage. Sharing household chores: Mrs. Tanveer with time accepted her co-wife and living in the same home. They adhere to the rules that all three of us set for them, like normal children. Zakhele walks in with his youngest brother, Thembekile*, 2, in his arms. Journal of Family Studies. In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. Obviously, it doesnt mean your marriage will end, just that it is more likely to than the first. In Pakistan culture, most polygamous women get relief in religious practices and other activities as one of the senior wives (Mrs. Amir) said "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayer and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. READ MORE:After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. Mrs. Arslan told that she was shocked when she came to know about her husband's affair. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. 3. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. The Journal of Social Psychology. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. youre over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. Go figure. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. I grew up as an only child, and I always knew I wanted a lot of children, but my wifes pregnancy with the twins was very complicated. 1. He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. However, on appeal the. His family says it was unaware of any "second. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. For example, many people view second wives as cheating, homewreckers, and gold diggers. 1. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . Christianity condemns polygamy as an offence against the dignity of marriage, insisting that conjugal love between a man and wife must be mutual and unreserved, undivided and exclusive. Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. It was an arranged marriage. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. Every possibility seems available to them. At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? She always imposes a fine of 5,000 Malaysian ringgit (around $1,700) and six strikes of a cane. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. She told that She was like a witch, spoiled my whole family. Mrs. Mustafa was another 1st wife. Not many people like a second wife. It doesnt mean that it cant be wonderful. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. To sum up: I am married to a man I love and am lucky. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. In literature, the problems faced by polygamous women were highlighted. Rahmanian P, Munawar K, Mukhtar F, Choudhry FR. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. The interviews were verified for accuracy and consistency by listening to the recordings. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? The purpose of this study is to investigate married womens experiences in polygamous marriages and their ways of coping to accept this relationship. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . Here are some people revealing the truth of what polygamous relationships are really like. Dealing with your partner's baggage. Eleven women participated in the study. Ethnographic accounts of 69 polygynous systems and reported evidence that the majority of co-wives in a polygynous family prefer pragmatic co-operation with one another while maintaining a respectful distance however having a deep-seated feeling of angst that arises over competing for access to their mutual husband [21]. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. A record of 26 women was collected for polygamous families through snowball sampling for the availability of co-wives. The reverse is probably true, too: When women are taken from the marriage market, men suffer. So finding a man who respects women like uBaba is a blessing, The two women share the home duties between them, taking turns cooking and cleaning, and their six children help with the dishes and other household duties.